In the beginning, you thought for sure this day would never come. However, for better or for worse, the day has arrived. You’ve officially entered the world of being single again. Whether or not he broke up with you or you broke up with him, it still hurts. The struggle is real. You recite to yourself, “time heals all wounds” and “there are plenty of fish in the sea” but it doesn’t seem to be helping. As tears roll down your cheeks and the ugly cry surfaces, you think to yourself: Will my life ever get back to normal? I will never date again. I really hope he moves to another country. Life is never going to be the same again. The reality is, you will date again. He’s not moving to South America. And life does go on. Use these tips for how to deal with a breakup.
You’ve entered into a new season where there will be a void in your life. Your habit of texting him every morning will challenge you. Your “go-to” buddy for trying out new restaurants is no longer an option. Your travel companion is now absent. As all of the memories, thoughts, and reminders of him come flooding in, you’ve got to do something with your mind, will, heart, and emotions.
Here are 12 tips that will help you get through the next 40 days as you enter into your new normal and the new you.
12 Tips for 40 Days: How to Deal With a Breakup
Give yourself the freedom to be sad, mad, hurt, angry. Cry, cry, and cry some more. The more you suppress what you’re truly feeling, the longer it will take for you to heal.
2) Go Cold Turkey:
No need to announce to your thousands of followers that your ex is the worst human being on the planet. No need to have “one last fling” before you part ways. No need to continue to engage him when he texts you late night. Going cold turkey isn’t easy, but it’s the best way to go. When you continue to keep contacting him, texting him, spying on him on social media, you’re allowing yourself to revisit, reengage, and reenter his world. It can become more detrimental than it is helpful. You want to send the message that your life will go on without him (even if you might not feel it at the moment).
Turn your electronics off 60 minutes before bedtime. This isn’t an easy task. It will take some getting used to. But it will be time well spent. Yes, no computer and no smartphone. Use this hour to journal. Read a good book that will help you better yourself. Write thank you notes. Use this time to look at your part in the relationship. Write down what you loved about your relationship and what you weren’t crazy about.
4) Schedule Friend Time:
Enlist your team. Ask a girlfriend if she can fill his spot for a bit. Ask her if you can call or text her when you’re tempted to call or text the ex. Go heavy on your girlfriend time. Hand pick the fun friends and the good listeners (limit the dramatic and needy friends). Be honest with your friends about how you’re feeling and what you’ll need from them as you go through this tough season.
If you love animals, go to local animal shelter. If you love children, offer to babysit your single mom friend’s daughter. If you love the elderly, help out at the nursing home. Step outside of your pain to help another person. This is also where you’ll receive healing for your heart.
6) Start Saving for a Trip:
Take your new free time to research a place you’ve always wanted to go. Feel free to grab a couple of friends. Plan a fun getaway. This gives you something to look forward to after 40 days.
You might not feel like having fun. But it’s still important to do something that makes you smile and laugh. Watch light-hearted comedies. Spend time with your friends that make you laugh. Laughter is great medicine.
Start a new workout routine. Try a new sport. Take up tennis or spin class. Go to the cool new yoga spot.
Let go of holding grudges, bitterness, and carrying offenses. Instead of turning your hurt into anger, turn it into peace. Remind yourself of the reasons why it’s important for you to forgive. Primarily because you need forgiveness from others as well.
10) Chill Out:
Don’t do anything drastic. Try not to make any major life decisions. Use this time to reflect.
Be realistic. The sooner you’re able to accept that the relationship has ended, the easier it will be to move on. That doesn’t mean that you won’t miss him. It means that you’ve come to terms with the reality of the situation. You no longer have to beat yourself up for your mistakes (that was what you did while you were in the relationship). What’s done is done. You’ve learned from your mistakes and your relationship was an opportunity for growth.
12) Love Yourself:
Breath deeply, think deeply, and don’t start dating just yet. Give yourself time to regain the old you and welcome the new you. You’ll become a better version of yourself if you take the time to learn, process, and listen. Embrace your strengths and learn how to mature from your strengths that are out of balance. You’ll attract what you become. Take this time to become an even better, more healthy, more authentic version of yourself.
What are your tips for dealing with a breakup?
Dr. Melanie Ross Mills is the creator of the Life Bond book series, which includes The Friendship Bond, The Couples Bond, and The Identity Bond. Through her counseling sessions, books, public speaking, and workshops she instigates insightful dialogue and encourages honest self-reflection. Dr. Mills enjoys serving as a FOX News Radio Relationship Expert. She holds a degree in temperament psychology.
Image via Always Dress Classy.