Work is work. It’s not always going to be fun and energizing. The best-case scenario is that you love what you do and the people you work with – but that isn’t always the reality. There will likely be a few boring projects, tight deadlines, difficult assignments, and coworkers who occasionally (or often) make you want to quit, send a blunt all-caps email, or complain to anyone who will listen. But that can backfire – big time.
You don’t want to be seen as a constant complainer or the office gossip. And you likely have valid concerns – but there are productive and unproductive ways to deal. I spoke to experts to find out why you shouldn’t complain at work – and how to stop. (Yes, it’s possible!)
You’ll feel worse (and your coworkers will too):
You’ll feel better when you vent about the fact that you have to stay late again or fix your coworker’s report since she messed it up, right? Wrong.
“Instead of making you feel better, complaining makes you feel worse. Focusing on the negatives of the job will drag you and everyone else down,” says Cheryl E. Palmer, founder of the DC-based career coaching firm Call to Career. “It can get to the point where you hate coming to work because all you can see are the negatives.”
Your coworkers will respect you more (and be more willing to implement change) if you don’t just point out problems – you offer proposed solutions. “If what you are constantly complaining about is something that can be fixed quickly a better way to talk about the issue is to give constructive criticism. This way you are not just complaining but offering a solution,” says Lorraine Brown, a professional development coach at the California-based personal branding and professional development firm, Polishing the Professional. If you have way too much work and are constantly working long hours or glued to your phone during spin class, for example, you could suggest that they hire an associate. Offer to manage them and you’ll get the help and valuable managerial experience. Win-win.
You’ll be less productive:
Every minute you spend complaining is a minute you’re not getting stuff done. “Complaining at work starts a downward spiral that ultimately undermines your value delivery, which is your most important work goal. Complaining takes up time and brainpower you should be using to deliver value to the business,” says Dawn Roberts, founder of the Houston-based business efficiency consultancy, Dawn Roberts Consulting. “If left unchecked, this complaining nature becomes habitual, exponentially reducing your time devoted to delivery. Soon, you are seen as a problem by colleagues and by superiors,” Roberts adds.
Before complaining to a coworker, Nancy Halpern, founder of the New York-based executive coaching firm, KNH Associates, recommends completing this exercise. (And no, it doesn’t involve a punching bag.) First, write down all of your grievances then pick the five that bother you the most and put them in sequential order. Once you have your top two priorities, list two or three things you could do to improve the situation. “If you can start thinking like an active problem solver you’ll feel more in control and a lot more optimistic about changing the situation,” she says.
You’ll stagnate…or get fired:
You can’t claim, “I am the best complainer in the office,” as your case for a promotion. And don’t think that your complaining will go unnoticed and unacknowledged. “Managers will notice if the complainers volunteer suggestions and try to problem-solve or if they simply stir the pot without any solutions and have a negative impact on morale,” says Dr. Maelisa Hall, an Irvine-based licensed psychologist and founder of Hall Coaching Group, an executive coaching company that focuses on positive psychology principles. “The complainers without solutions will be overlooked for promotions, even if their experience makes them more qualified than their peers,” Hall adds. And some blunt advice: “It can get you fired. No further explanation needed,” says Dion Metzger, an Atlanta-based psychiatrist.
Focus on what you are grateful for – ahem a paycheck – as you problem-solve or look for a new job. Research has shown that cultivating an attitude of gratitude is beneficial for your mental and physical health. (And probably your ability to resist yelling at Smith from marketing for holding everything up by missing a critical deadline…again.)
“Make a list of all the reasons you are grateful for your job – whether it’s money, or experience, or friends, or even the free coffee,” suggests Lori Scherwin, founder of the California-based career coaching firm, Strategize That. “Focus on what you enjoy and that is what you will see and appreciate. Find success in every failure and a lesson in every setback – it helps keep you moving forward.”
