If you work at least 40 hours a week, you spend more time with your colleagues than your friends and family each week. So it makes sense that liking the people you’re spending the majority of your time with improves your happiness. A 2014 Globoforce survey found that 89% of the employees surveyed said that work relationships positively impact the quality of life and that employees with more workplace friendships are nearly three times more likely to say that they love their companies and two times less likely to be poached by another company.
Although work friendships make the workday more enjoyable, they require more discretion than non-work friendships. “Although the boundary is easily blurred, work friends are colleagues first and friends second. Unlike friendships outside the workplace, work friendships uniquely occur on the backdrop of the formal organization, and it is key to prioritize professionalism,” says Jessica Methot, an associate professor of Human Resource Management in the School of Management and Labor Relations at Rutgers University. I spoke to experts to find out some guidelines because you never know who is keeping and sharing the receipts. (Et tu, Brute?)
Be mindful of what you tell your coworkers:
You have to share some personal information about yourself to make friends, but you should proceed with more caution than you would for non-work friendships. (If someone asks if you have fun plans for the weekend, for example, you don’t have to provide a dismissive one-word answer like Emily Charlton from “Devil Wears Prada.”)
“Developing work friends can be a mixed blessing—on one hand, forging deeper, more intimate relationships requires self-disclosure and vulnerability; on the other hand, if a work friendship spirals downward, the person can use personal or sensitive information against you,” says Methot. There are certain things you should never share with your work friends, according to Methot. “Beware of disclosing information that can create animosity, that is stigmatized, or that could get you fired,” Methot warns. For example, don’t brag about getting a promotion instead of your friend, make assumptions about political beliefs, or mention that you tried to sabotage another colleague’s career, she says.
Be mindful of the office hierarchy:
There is a hierarchy at work and the relationship you could have with a peer is different than your relationship with your manager or someone you manage. “While collegiality can be an effective motivator, the fact remains that work needs to get done. Good managers will enforce that by periodically shushing side conversations, enforcing performance standards, and generally keeping the staff focused on the organization’s goals,” says Courtney C.W. Guerra, a Syracuse-based career advice columnist and author of the career advice book “Is This Working?” You can be friendly with your manager or someone who you manage but be careful about how your friendship affects your professional relationship and how your friendship may be perceived by coworkers. “If you’re regularly getting together outside work or sharing inside jokes, coworkers will worry that there’s favoritism at play no matter how equitable things actually are,” she says.
Be mindful about “confidentiality”:
When you share something with a non-work friend it can be kept confidential. They don’t have an obligation to share the information with anyone. That’s not the same for a work relationship. “You need to be careful about sharing anything with work friends that you’d like to keep secret from your boss. Even if they assure you they’ll maintain your confidence, they may not be able to keep that promise if a higher-up asks them about whatever it is,” says Guerra. Let’s say you told your work BFF that you made a huge mistake that could have negative ramifications for the company. Even though you told your friend not to tell anyone, there is a chance that they will feel compelled to disclose the information if someone higher up asks about it or if there is something that can be done to fix the mistake. Before sharing something with a coworker, Lynda McKay, founder of the Phoenix-based human resources consultancy, HR Extension, says to ask yourself this question. “How much of what you shared do you want your supervisor to know? Always remember that is where this information can go,” says McKay. Let’s say you share something more innocuous than a huge mistake like sharing that you’re applying to new jobs or turning a sick day into a beach day, remember that it can still end up getting back to the boss. Oh and remember that anything you say over email, Slack, or text is screenshot-able or forward-able. If you wouldn’t want your venting or gossiping about a coworker to get out…don’t write it down.
Be mindful about resolving disagreements:
Friendships aren’t always smooth sailing and disagreements happen…but don’t let a personal disagreement mess up your professional relationship. “One of the biggest predictors of quitting is poor relationships with colleagues, and a negative relationship at work can be salient, distracting, and de-motivating,” says Methot. So you probably have to salvage your relationship to stay happy and productive at work. “Identify the source of the conflict and resolve it professionally. Do not spread gossip or rumors, do not try to get coworkers on your side, or cast your friend in a negative light with a supervisor,” Methot says.
