During the early days of the pandemic, she learns that he had an affair and abruptly says he wants a divorce and doesn’t want custody of their three children. Burden had left her legal career to focus on their family while he switched from law to finance and made millions of dollars throughout their 20-year marriage. Based on the prenup, she wouldn’t get any of it despite all of the contributions she had made to the family that helped him focus on his career and eventual promotion to partner at a hedge fund.

“We had made an unspoken bargain: He would work all the time and I would take care of the kids all the time,” she wrote. When she was approached about a new job when the kids got older, he encouraged her not to take it. While he would be able to keep all the income he earned during their two-decade marriage, she could be forced to sell the properties and split the funds or pay him half because, despite paying for them independently, both names were on the deeds. She said that was what she thought people were “supposed to do” when they are married and that he would also put assets in joint names. 

Burden writes beautifully about the emotional betrayal and sudden unraveling of her relationship to the extent that her then-husband felt like a stranger. Hopefully, most readers won’t have to endure what she endured — or have their husband ask them to make a sandwich in the middle of telling their kids about the divorce. Still, I think there are takeaways that can apply to any couple.

As I was reading the book and listening to countless interviews with Burden, I noted that she described herself as “financially naive.”

“I think what happened to me in the marriage is that I handed over most of my financial life to my husband, believing that he was better able to handle it. And as the years went by, I lost touch with the big picture of where assets sat, whose name was on what and what would happen to me if we divorced,” Burden told NPR.

This was a former Big Law corporate attorney who didn’t feel confident about her financial skills and eventually let her husband make most of the financial decisions.

“I started to convince myself that I couldn’t really understand it. And I’m a former corporate lawyer, I don’t think it’s hard to understand. But you start to believe in someone else’s competence much more than your own,” she said on the podcast “Lipstick on the Rim.”

One of the biggest lessons for me was the importance of frequently discussing your financial life and having a clear understanding of your family finances. Like Burden, I think it is fairly common for people to feel like their partner is “better” at finances, so they defer to them. But I think it’s important for both people to feel confident and know how to manage their finances, even if you split tasks like paying bills, bookkeeping, and filing taxes. Trusting your partner with money shouldn’t mean completely disconnecting from your joint financial life.

Burden wrote that throughout their marriage she let him handle their finances and, although she signed their joint tax returns, she didn’t realize what he was making or have a clear understanding of all their assets and whether they were jointly or separately titled. He would have her annotate their joint credit card bills each month, and she says she felt like he was controlling about their spending, so much so that she would often pay for “extra” things like shopping and gifts for their kids with her own money. They would each contribute an equal amount toward their shared checking account each month. 

Burden has said that she never wants to get married again because she doesn’t want to have someone else have financial control. However, you can and should have financial control even if you’re married. Now she recommends married couples have regular check-ins to talk about their finances.

“I think women should have those conversations with their partners at least quarterly, have a deep understanding of what their financial picture is, what assets are where, whose name is on what and really know, even if they’re incredibly happily married, what would happen if the relationship ends,” she told NPR.

I couldn’t agree more, and I think having open and honest conversations about money can start long before you get married. When you first start dating, that might simply mean talking about how you like to split dinners, trips, or other expenses. Before moving in together, you’ll probably have bigger conversations about income, budgeting, and housing costs.

As the relationship gets more serious, you may also want to discuss:

• spending habits
• debt
• savings goals
• investing styles
• career ambitions
• financial priorities
• whether you prefer to combine finances or keep some things separate
• how you each grew up thinking about money

If you’re engaged, you may also start discussing bigger-picture questions like:

• whether you’ll combine finances
• how you’ll divide expenses
• whether a prenup makes sense
• how you’ll approach financial decisions as a team
• what would happen financially if one person stopped working

Burden also underscored the importance of talking about what would happen if you got divorced.

“No matter how happily married you are, talk about what would happen if it ends.”

That’s where a prenup could come in, although she ultimately regretted that her prenup said they would only share assets held in joint names and that they didn’t extinguish the prenup like they had later discussed.

People have strong opinions about prenups and postnups, and it can be a controversial topic. It’s definitely not the most romantic part of wedding planning or newlywed life, but I also don’t think that asking for one means you think you’re going to get divorced or that things will become acrimonious.

It can simply be an insurance policy that makes divorce or estate planning a little easier if the worst-case scenario were to happen. As people often say, “You know the person you’re marrying, not the person you’re divorcing.”

You don’t need to obsess over worst-case scenarios that will hopefully never happen. But you should understand your financial life — whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or married. 

The post The Marriage and Money Lessons I Took From Belle Burden’s “Strangers” appeared first on Elana Lyn Gross.

Then you get together with a friend for brunch and she tells you all about her new boyfriend and major raise over iced coffee and pancakes. And you’re happy for her — really, you are — but part of you wishes you were dating someone and making more money.

It’s hard not to compare yourself to your friends or the people you follow online. According to social comparison theory, we determine our self-worth based on how we compare ourselves to other people. The problem is that you’re never going to be “the best” at everything, and comparing yourself too much can be detrimental. Luckily, it’s possible to decrease the amount you compare yourself to other people — even in the age of TikTok and Instagram — and use some comparison as motivation.

Focus on being your best self

Hone in on your own success, not where you stack up against people in your Instagram feed or friend group.

“Instead of focusing on what you struggle with and what someone else might do better than you, focus on and celebrate your strengths,” says Aimee Barr, LCSW, a Brooklyn-based psychotherapist. “We can accept ourselves and also strive to grow and be better versions of ourselves.”

Barr also advises celebrating your strengths and accomplishments and surrounding yourself with people who love and support you.

Identify your triggers and iterate

Track what triggers you to compare yourself to other people, Barr says.

“The first step in changing anything is awareness that it’s a problem. Most of the time, we engage in social comparison without even being aware that we are doing it,” she says.

If social media is the main culprit, she recommends curbing your social media use by limiting the amount of time you spend on social media each day. Do yourself a favor and mute or unfollow people who consistently trigger you to feel bad about yourself.

Reframe your mindset

“In order to get out of one heightened emotional state, we often have to be thrown into another one,” says Barr. “Excitement is a great distraction from envy, jealousy, or frustration.”

Remember that social media is a highlight reel. You’re not seeing all the mistakes, stress, and mishaps behind the scenes.

Let it motivate you

Comparison doesn’t always have to be draining. You can use it to identify goals you’d like to achieve.

“Find out what it is about them that you want to have for yourself. If it is realistic, then set a goal for yourself and stick to achieving it,” says Courtney Glashow, LCSW, a Jersey City-based psychotherapist and owner of Anchor Therapy.

“When you feel down after comparing yourself to someone, reach out to them and ask how they got where they are and if they have any tips for you,” says Elizabeth Cohen, PhD, a New York City-based clinical psychologist. “If you try this strategy, comparing yourself to others can actually lead to growth, change, and knowledge.”

The post How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People appeared first on Elana Lyn Gross.

I believe there are nine types of friends everyone needs in their life. (And yes, if you’re lucky, one person can check multiple boxes.)

A Cheerleader

Everyone needs a friend who reminds them of all their strengths and accomplishments. Your cheerleader celebrates your wins, hypes you up when you’re feeling down or insecure, and reminds you how capable you actually are. Bonus points if they also brag about you to other people.

A Confidant

This is a person you can confide in about anything. They get the full story, not the abridged version. They’re one of the first people you text when something amazing happens and one of the first people you call when life falls apart a little. You know they’d answer at 3 a.m. if you really needed them.

A Work Friend

A good work friend can completely change your work life. They’re the person you Slack during long meetings, grab coffee with between projects, vent to after stressful days, and rely on for honest feedback and advice.

A Motivator

Some friends help you become the best version of yourself. A motivator encourages you to go after your goals, whether that’s applying for a promotion, getting healthier, sticking to a budget, or finally starting the thing you keep talking yourself out of doing.

A Connector

This friend somehow knows everyone and genuinely enjoys bringing people together. They’re always organizing dinners, inviting people into the group, or introducing friends who they just know will get along. You’re likely to meet people you like since you have a close friend in common and, perk, you can all hang out together.

An Adventurer

This is the person you text when you want to do something fun. They’re always up for signing up for a Pickleball class, learning Mahjong, training for a race, or saying yes to whatever you find fun.

An Energizer

You know those people you leave feeling happier after spending time with? That’s an energizer. Their enthusiasm is contagious, and even a quick coffee date or phone call with them can completely shift your mood.

A Coach

A coach helps you hit your goals. They give you the support and encouragement you need. In some cases, they might even teach you their tips and tricks for learning a new skills, whether it’s running a marathon or training a puppy. They check in on your progress and genuinely want to see you succeed.

A Comedian

Life is a lot easier when you have someone who can make you laugh until you cry. You look forward to hearing their stories and they help you not take things so seriously all the time.

The post 9 Types of Friends Everyone Needs in Their Life appeared first on Elana Lyn Gross.

We didn’t get into a fight. There wasn’t a teary conversation, a ‘conscious uncoupling,’ or really even closure. In that way, it was probably as anticlimactic as the end of a close friendship can be. So what happened? There were a lot of small signs that we viewed friendship differently and that the friendship wasn’t as close as I had thought.

Some friendships are simply based on enjoying spending time together. You can have inside jokes that no one else finds funny, go out for long dinners until the restaurant closes, have someone to text your totally random thoughts to, have movie nights with, or explore a new city. And that’s all great — but there’s a line between a close friendship and one that’s fun but surface-level. I’ve found that trust is the main differentiating factor. Without it, a strong friendship’s foundation erodes and an emotional wall is built.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of reasons trust can fade. Maybe you hear them say mean or untrue things about other friends and you know they likely say the same about you, they say hurtful things because they know you well enough to know what will hurt the most, or those private things you shared in confidence weren’t kept confidential.

If you’re going to have a breakup conversation, schedule time for an in-person conversation in a private place, says Amina Shea Tinsley, a New York-based psychotherapist. (If you’re not in the same city, you can do it over the phone, but don’t send a breakup text, please.) Write down what you want to say in advance — you don’t have to stick to the script, but it is helpful to prepare before a tough conversation. Include the benefits of the breakup and avoid blaming your friend.

“Remain civil during the breakup discussion. Explosive anger and shouting matches will make you appear unstable and make it easier for your friend to dismiss your concerns as irrational,” says Tinsley. “You want to appear thoughtful and calm so you present yourself as an ally who wants the best for your friend.”

Listen to their side and have a compassionate conversation instead of a soliloquy.

You could have dozens of surface-level friendships — and it’s likely you did in high school and college — but close friendships are harder to come by and much more valuable. They are the people you know will always be there for you — no matter the severity of the situation or the time of day. It may sound like something from a Hallmark card, but they elevate you, energize you, and encourage you to be the best version of yourself — and you do the same for them.

They are the first people you text or call to share good news, bad news, or just random updates from your day-to-day life. (Like that disastrous — but kind of comical — first date you went on.) They know what to say to cheer you up and when to share advice or just listen.

It’s incredibly sad when a friendship ends or changes. You care about the person and miss them.

“Give yourself the freedom to process, grieve, and heal just as you would a romantic relationship,” says Melanie Ross Mills, a Texas-based therapist and author of The Friendship Bond: Creating Bonds That Last.

It’s inevitable that you are going to miss the person and think about them often, especially at first. You may think of them when you pass that restaurant you always used to go to, see something you know they’d love, or wonder what their advice would be for something you’re going through. When that happens and you really want to pick up the phone to call or text, remind yourself why things ended, says Mills.

Stay busy and surround yourself with your close friends. Focus on strengthening those relationships and being a thoughtful and supportive friend.

When a romantic relationship ends, you open yourself up to finding a relationship that’s better for both of you. It’s the same thing for friendship.

“You’ll see what friends are brought into your life because you have not only opened up your heart space for the next friendship, but you’ve also recognized that there’s a big difference between the fun, ‘good time’ friend versus the purposeful, trustworthy friend,” says Mills.

When you’re feeling sad, think about the positive things about your friendship. The ending doesn’t erase the good memories, and you’ve learned about the type of friendships you want to cultivate and the type of friend you want to be.

I slowly remembered the memories and felt happy about the friendship we had instead of only being sad about how it ended. In the case of romantic relationships and friendships, time (and Ben & Jerry’s) cures a broken heart.

The post Why Friendship Breakups Can Hurt as Much as Romantic Breakups appeared first on Elana Lyn Gross.

“Managing up means to make your supervisor’s life easier and taking care of things in her professional life that will facilitate her job-related duties,” says Jason Patel, founder of the college and career coaching company Transizion.

By being dependable and proactive, you can make yourself indispensable to your boss, that goes a long way when it’s time for a promotion. “A good working relationship can accelerate your success—and a bad relationship can hinder your success,” says Mary Abbajay, co-founder and president of the professional development company Careerstone Group and author of Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss.

“Your boss has a lot of influence over the projects, people, and positioning that come your way; your relationship with her, and her experience with you, will determine the kinds of opportunities available to you in your organization,” according to Abbajay.

So how do you master managing up? I spoke to career experts to deliver the do’s and don’ts you need to know.

Do:  Become a mind reader

Spend time figuring out your boss’s likes and dislikes so you can anticipate her needs in advance and stay on her good side. “You need to put in some work with your supervisor before managing up because you need to know more about their needs, habits, schedule, and duties,” says Patel. “Going in cold turkey is a recipe for disaster. You need to know what you’re getting yourself into.”

Don’t: Overstep

There’s an art to managing up. Though your intentions are well-meaning, you must avoid overstepping any boundaries or making it seem like you’re vying for your boss’s position. “Most bosses don’t like when reports get too close because it decreases their authority, and it’s never good when a boss has to step in to enforce his boundaries of authority,” says Lucio Buffalmano, founder of the social dynamics resource The Power Moves.

“Show you see him as a normal human being, but that you also respect his authority position,” he says. Come up with ways to make your boss’s job easier, but ask first. You could say something like, “I know you have a lot to do to prepare for the big meeting next week. Would you like me to help design the presentation?”

Do: Provide value

Ask not what your boss can do for you, ask what you can do for your boss. “When you manage up, be sure to create value for your boss,” says Andrea Palten, founder of the Denver-based life and business coaching firm Success Coaching. For example, if your boss has a big presentation to give and you know she doesn’t like designing the slides, offer to create it for her, she says.

“Managing up is a big part of showing that you’re ready for the big time or a major step up in job duties,” says Patel. “If you’re able to handle duties or facilitate your supervisor’s life, it shows her, and others in the know, that you’re capable of putting on many hats and playing multiple pivotal roles.”

Don’t: Drop the ball

You have more work to manage when you manage up. Be honest with yourself about your workload so you don’t overextend yourself. You also may not have all the skills you need yet, and that’s okay. Taking on new assignments is a great way to learn, but don’t be afraid to ask for help from your manager.

“If human relationships are built on trust, managing up poorly is a great way to expose your weaknesses and have no one ask you for help in the future,” says Patel. “If you manage up, do it well and focus on putting your best foot forward. You don’t want to take on extra work or perform a role above your pay grade, only to do a bad job and have your superiors avoid letting you step up next time the team needs you.”

Do: Communicate

Unless it involves cake and balloons, bosses normally don’t like surprises. You don’t want to spend a month working on something you think your boss will love only to find out that it’s not something they want or need. Part of your boss’s job is managing you and how you spend your time, so make sure she approves your projects in advance.

“When managing up, it’s important to communicate before it’s absolutely necessary. Sometimes this means telling your boss your plans months in advance—whatever you need to do to set clear expectations and then exceed them,” says Alex Robinson, a human resources manager at Team Building Hero.

Don’t: Stress out

Remember that it’s okay if you aren’t the best at something immediately. “A good supervisor won’t hold it against you if you have a tough time managing up at first. You’re human. You make mistakes and don’t know everything, so it’s important to keep your head up and continue learning,” says Patel. If your boss is overly critical or you realize that despite your best efforts, you can’t impress them, then it’s time to manage your career and look for a new opportunity.

The post The Do’s and Don’ts of Managing Up at Work appeared first on Elana Lyn Gross.

When to use an elevator pitch: 

You can use your elevator pitch when interviewers ask you to “Tell me about yourself.” You can also use it when people inevitably ask you, “So, what do you do?”

If you don’t have an elevator pitch ready, you might be tempted to ramble about everything from where you grew up to a laundry list of your favorite hobbies. After you learn how to create an elevator pitch, you’ll be able to give a poised answer that makes a lasting impression. You’ll impress interviewers and people who might be able to make invaluable connections throughout your job search and career.

When interviewing or speaking to someone from a specific company, tailor your elevator pitch for the job and company. Otherwise, you can use the same general elevator pitch whether you’re at Thanksgiving dinner or a crowded networking event.

How to create your elevator pitch:

Now that you know the benefits of having an elevator pitch, you’re ready to make your own using our elevator pitch examples. Here’s a step-by-step guide to crafting an effective elevator pitch that will make a strong impression.

Step 1: Include one sentence about your background: Start with a brief introduction that provides a snapshot of your professional background. This helps to establish context and gives the listener an idea of who you are.

Example: “I’m the editor-in-chief of the popular professional and personal development site, Elana Lyn.” 

Step 2: Mention a big accomplishment: Highlight a significant achievement that showcases your capabilities and sets you apart. This will grab attention and demonstrate your ability to deliver results. It’s beneficial to include metrics to show your accomplishments.

Example: “I am proud that more than 100,000 people read Elana Lyn each month.” 

Step 3: Highlight a few of your top skills: Mention two to three key skills relevant to the position or field you’re interested in. These skills should align with the job you are seeking and reflect your strengths.

Example: “I excel at writing, editing, and search engine optimization.”

Step 4: Share what you’re looking for in your career: Clearly state your career goals and what you’re looking for in your next role. This helps the listener understand your aspirations.

Example: “I am excited to continue strengthening my skills as an editor at [Company Name].”

Step 5: Explain the value you’ll provide to a company: End by explaining how you can add value to the company. This should summarize why they should be interested in you and what you bring to the table.

Example: “I’m confident that I can use my writing, editing, and content marketing skills to create engaging content and increase traffic.”

After combining all the elements, your elevator pitch would be:

“I’m the editor-in-chief of the popular professional and personal development site, Elana Lyn. I am proud that more than 100,000 people read Elana Lyn each month. I excel at writing, editing, and search engine optimization. I am excited to continue strengthening my skills as an editor at [Company Name]. I’m confident that I can use my writing, editing, and content marketing skills to create engaging content and increase traffic.”

• Keep it short. Aim for about 30-60 seconds, or around 150-250 words.
• Be clear and specific. Avoid jargon and be straightforward about your achievements and goals.
• Practice. Rehearse your pitch until you can deliver it confidently.
• Adapt. Be ready to tailor your pitch to different audiences.

The post How to Create an Elevator Pitch That Actually Gets Attention appeared first on Elana Lyn Gross.

“A career manifesto is essentially a guiding principle that you use throughout your professional life,” says Terra Brown, an Arkansas-based writer for Earn Spend Live, a personal finance and career advice site. “When it comes to being successful, both long and short term, a career manifesto helps you first by giving you your own personal take on what being successful means.”

Visualize your ideal career:

It’s time for some major self-reflection. “A career manifesto is a combination of your personal mission, purpose, vocation, and passion,” explains Kendra Davies, founder of the Orlando-based life coaching firm Stellar Life Coaching. “It is an intentional and clear vision about your career goals, what matters most to you, what you want your life to look like, and how you want to feel.”

So, before you get there, you need to decide what your vision looks like. Since a manifesto is more about values than practical benefits or job descriptions, ask yourself some key questions that you can answer no matter what field you’re in: What brings you joy, peace, and satisfaction at work? What makes you happiest? Working with others? Being in nature? Hitting deadlines? Having personal freedom?

After asking yourself those broad questions, you may begin to have a better picture of what you want to do. That’s one way your career manifesto can help you to manifest your ideal job.

Create your career mission statement:

“The main benefit—both short-term and long-term—of having a career manifesto is that it is much easier to create a roadmap for success once you have identified your destination,” says Christina Austin, founder of the New York City-based career coaching and branding firm ExecBrands LLC. And a great place to start is by writing a career mission statement.

Your personal career mission statement should take into account your passion, your values, your definition of success, and your unique talent. For example, your mission statement could be something like: “My mission is to write content that helps women feel more confident in their personal and professional lives.” In this case, your definition of success isn’t about making six figures or getting promoted to partner at a law firm. It’s about the value you provide through the work you do.

Find your five words:

While a mission statement can help you focus on your values and goals, you can boil that down even further to the five keywords that define your career aspirations, says Kate Gremillion, founder of New Orleans-based career consulting firm Mavenly + Co.

“My mission statement is to help women design a career and lifestyle with purpose,” says Gremillion. She also says a great exercise to help you form your career manifesto is to come up with five words that you want people to associate with you like clarity, purpose, connection, design, and thoughtfulness so you can make sure to embody them daily. Put a sticky note on your bathroom mirror and keep a list of those words on your desk so you have a daily reminder of your career manifesto.

Use it as a litmus test:

A career manifesto enables you to be intentional about your career says Angelina Darrisaw, founder of the New York City-based career coaching firm C-Suite Coach. But only if you use it. When you are presented with an opportunity, be sure to refer back to your career manifesto to make sure it aligns with your goals and values.

“A career manifesto will help remind you of individual career needs and get you unstuck when those opportunities come about,” says Darrisaw. “You don’t want to look back and be clueless as to why you made the decisions you did and why are you here. Move with intention and you won’t be in that position.”

The post How to Write a Career Manifesto for Your Future appeared first on Elana Lyn Gross.

But experiencing depression at work isn’t exactly remarkable, right? Better learn to suck it up and deal, right? Not exactly. There’s a definite difference between regular ol’ workplace stress—a big presentation, a client’s disapproval, a heavy workload—and actual depression.

When you experience persistent, troubling feelings that won’t go away no matter what you do, and those feelings interfere with all areas of your life, it’s important to get support. You’d hardly be alone. According to a Monster survey of 1,000 full-time and part-time employees in the United States, many employees have experienced depression (24%) and physical illness (12%) as a result of their job; 34% said their job negatively affects their mental health.

Depression can be debilitating, so it’s not surprising that it can impact your experiences at work. A survey by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) asked people which aspects of their jobs were affected by anxiety and depression. The results:

• workplace performance (56%)
• relationship with co-workers and peers (51%)
• quality of work (50%)
• relationships with superiors (43%)

Mental illness is one of the top causes of worker disability in the U.S., with 62% of missed workdays attributed to mental health conditions. Of people working with mental illness, 66% have been diagnosed with depression.

The last thing you need is for your job stability or your boss’s perception of you to suffer when you are suffering. So if you’re feeling like depression is affecting your work and hindering your relationships with co-workers, try these coping strategies.

Start by talking to a mental health professional:

A therapist can help you develop a treatment plan, such as weekly talk therapy or medicine. But even looking for someone to see can be a tough first step when depression at work already has you in its grips. In that instance, participating in your company’s employee assistance program (EAP), if there is one, can help.

An EAP is a confidential, employer-sponsored program to address mental health concerns including depression, anxiety, stress, emotional wellness, bereavement, grief and loss, substance abuse and addiction, family and relationship issues, and other personal concerns. Employees typically have access to three to six free sessions—where the clinician offers assessment, short-term problem resolution, and referrals to additional resources.

If your company doesn’t have an EAP, you can find lots of resources online. For example, the ADAA has a ”find help” section of its site, and the National Institute of Mental Health is another great source of information on workplace depression.

Talk to your boss or HR:

Even though so many people say depression interferes with work performance, few disclose it to their employer. People likely don’t speak up and ask for help because there is still a stigma around it. Mental health discrimination at work unfortunately discourages open dialogue. People may be worried that they will be viewed as incapable of doing their job and could be let go as a result of asking for help. But depending upon the severity of your symptoms, you may want to make certain people at work aware of your situation.

If you need to take a mental health day here or there, you can use a sick day or paid time off without providing a detailed explanation about your reason. However, if your condition is starting to interfere with your ability to do your job, consider speaking with your boss (who has more of an impact on your work responsibilities than HR). If your conversation with your boss does not yield any results, you can then turn to HR.

For example, if you’re working on a particularly difficult project that is causing you to feel anxious or depressed, you might want to let your manager know you need help so that he/she can delegate some of the responsibilities to your co-workers. You might say, “I want to deliver excellent results, but I’m feeling overwhelmed. It would be very helpful if I could work on this project with a few more people. Who on our team do you think could be a good fit?”

If you need to take a leave of absence or accommodations to your workspace, a simple statement like, “I have a medical condition that requires an extended leave,” or, “I have a medical condition that requires I work in an area with natural sunlight,” should suffice for HR or management. Note that you may need to provide additional documentation from a doctor or clinician.

Create coping mechanisms for dealing with depression at work:

Taking care of yourself and developing coping mechanisms can help you throughout the workday. A professional can help you develop specific strategies for your symptoms.

Take short breaks during the workday—go for a walk and cry if you feel the need, call a friend or family member, or simply take some time to yourself. It’s also important not to isolate yourself, which is something depression can compel you to do. Reach out to co-workers and make a concerted effort to be engaged, rather than closing yourself off.

Maintaining healthy habits such as eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising, and spending time with friends and family. Try to make plans three to four nights a week—even if it’s something as simple as a quick phone call—so that you always have someone to talk to after a draining day. Depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions can make it especially challenging to get through even the normal routines of a workday, but a strong support system—at home and work—can help you push through the tough times.

The post How to Manage Depression and Stress at Work appeared first on Elana Lyn Gross.

Unfortunately, there may have been factors out of your control. For example, the position could have been filled internally or given to someone further along in the hiring process. You can control how you respond, reflect, and remain resilient so you can focus on doing your best throughout the rest of the job search process. As hard as it may seem, viewing rejection as redirection and a valuable learning experience is in your best interest. 

Ask for feedback:

Even though you might want to delete the dreaded rejection email, it can be beneficial to respond. Your response shows your maturity, continued interest in the company, and dedication to personal and professional growth. 

You can say something short like:

Thank you for taking the time to meet with me and share more about [Company Name]. I enjoyed learning about the role, team, and company. I would greatly appreciate any feedback you can provide. I hope to stay in touch and be considered for future openings. I will continue to check for relevant job postings. Thank you again for interviewing me. 

It’s possible the hiring manager won’t provide feedback because it may be seen as a liability or they are swamped. Still, it’s worthwhile to ask because their constructive criticism could be a beneficial way to harness job search rejection. As Pamela Weinberg, a New York City-based career coach says, “Feedback is a great way to use job search rejection to your advantage.” 

Reflect on the experience:

Give yourself some time to feel sad — and maybe indulge in some Ben & Jerry’s — then take some time to analyze the experience. Even though it’s hard, try your best to be objective or ask a close friend, family member, or mentor for feedback. 

“Reflect back on the process and see what you might do differently next time to affect a different outcome, such as finding people to network with within the company before or during the application process or practicing your interview skills,” says Weinberg. View the experience as a learning opportunity that will make you an even better candidate the next time around.

Donna L. Sellers, a certified life and career coach recommends asking yourself three insightful questions:

-What did I do well in the process?
-What did I learn about myself, the company culture, or the industry?
-What will I think about this situation five years from now?

The first two questions will help you interpret and evaluate your performance and the types of jobs and companies you’re applying to. The last enables you to stay positive and resilient. “Shift your perspective and you’ll see that the rejection shifts, too,” says Sellers.

But don’t get stuck on a case of the “coulda woulda shoulda.” You never know exactly how the hiring decision was made. Keep in mind that there could have been someone with more years of experience or a strong recommendation from someone at the company.

Stay positive: 

The job search process is a lot of work and rejection is difficult whether you get a form rejection email without being asked to interview or you’ve gotten to the final round of job interviews. Kevin Grubbs, executive director of the Villanova University Career Center, recommends combatting negative emotions by focusing on self-care. Make time each day to do things you enjoy and might not be able to do in the middle of the day if you were working full-time. For example, go for a mid-day run, curl up and watch a movie, or meet a friend for lunch. These breaks will help you feel happier and more resilient so you can weather the rejection better and keep moving forward.

“Getting back into a space of positivity will help in big ways when you approach the next opportunity. The good news about doing this is that learning how to rebound from tough times effectively will build your resilience, a quality employers look for in their next hires,” Grubb says.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that job search rejection stinks. However, you can use it to become a better candidate and say thank you, next.

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