How to Avoid Negative Self Talk

There are not many things scarier than choosing to take a new path. When you’re creating or trying something new, you can be your own worst enemy. We tend to tell ourselves things that aren’t true, and this prevents us from growing and pursuing our goals. That’s why we’ve come up with four tips for how to avoid negative self talk and listen to the calling in your heart.

How to Avoid Negative Self Talk

By Kate Gremillion

How to Avoid Negative Self Talk

Get People in Your Corner:

Whether it’s a best friend, an online community, or a mentor, you need to have a cheerleader. This is someone who believes in you and your passion and will help negate all the things you tell yourself about why you can’t succeed. These are the people who will help hold you accountable when you feel like giving up and celebrate with you when you reach a new milestone.

Know Your Why:

When we start questioning our path, ideas, and aspirations, it’s often because we’ve lost sight of why we started in the first place. Working long hours and not seeing the progress you anticipated can have an impact on your perception and attitude. It may even cause you to lose sight of your larger goal. You have to remember why you decided to open your own business, start a new project, get a new job, or join a certain team.

Write your why statement down and keep it where you can see it every day and reference it every time you need to remember what you’re working for.

Follow Your Industry:

While it’s important to follow your own path, one of the greatest motivators can be seeing someone else grow and succeed in the same space. Your dream job can shift from an impossible idea to a tangible example by witnessing someone else’s journey.

Social media is a great resource for introducing us to individuals and companies doing amazing things, so take advantage of it. Search for relevant hashtags and companies in your industry, contribute to the conversation, and follow along. The more positive information you receive about your idea, the better you’ll feel about doing it yourself.

Stop Comparing and Start Connecting:

While social media can be a great resource, it can also be a source of jealousy and it may validate your self-doubt if you start comparing yourself to other people. Sometimes when we see someone succeeding in our space we have the tendency to compare instead of learn. We think, “I could never do that,” or “She will always be better than me,” but we should be using each other as mentors and resources to grow.

If you see a blog or Instagram account you like, reach out to the person and make a connection. Everyone loves hearing that someone enjoyed their work, and many businesswomen and entrepreneurs are open to sharing advice and tips for success. Ask them about their personal journey or even for an informational interview. This could be the beginning of a beautiful partnership.

The most important thing to remember is everyone who has achieved something noteworthy has been there, and despite what the voice in your head says, you’re not alone. So even if your negative self talk never truly goes away, know that there is a stronger voice somewhere inside telling you to keep going.

“Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.” — Steve Passfield, The War on Art

What are your tips for how to avoid negative self talk? 

By Kate Gremillion: Kate Gremillion is the founder of Mavenly + Co, a community of young women having honest conversations about college, career and life and helping them create a lifestyle by their own design.

26 Responses to How to Avoid Negative Self Talk

  1. These are great tips! I started a new endeavor in August, and there have definitely been bumps along the way that have made me question my decision. But each day that I wake up happy and eager to start working squashes those feelings of temporary doubt. I can’t stress the value of mentors and having people to cheer you on when the going gets tough enough.

    • Elana Lyn Gross says:

      I’m so happy that you wake up happy and excited every single day! You’re building something great and it’s been fun to watch!

  2. Kelly in the City says:

    I love the “Know Your Why” part. Maybe posting this as a reminder in a prominent spot — right above my computer, for example — would be helpful!

    Great post!

    Kelly | Kelly in the Cityv

  3. Sara Holt says:

    In the world of social media, comparing yourself to others is so hard. It’s easy to be negative when everyone else around you look like they have the perfect life. Yet, it’s important to remember that these are just snapshots and glimpses into other people’s realities.

    • Elana Lyn Gross says:

      I’ve had really emotionally tough weekends where people who follow me on social media say, “It looks like you had such a fun weekend. You did X, Y, Z.” Sure, I may have posted about X, Y, Z, but that’s just the highlight reel. There is a lot that goes on under the surface but I think a lot of people don’t realize that and just see the “perfect” and “fun” layer.

  4. Jenny says:

    This is great!
    I definitely think we all have those moments where we are down on ourselves so these are important to remember.

    xoxo, Jenny

  5. Sara Kate says:

    These are great! I especially love the part where you talk about looking at someone’s success… I think there is always a ton of value in learning from others.

    Sara Kate Styling

  6. Kayleigh says:

    I swear getting people in your corner is so key. Everytime I start getting down on myself I ask a few close friends to just remind me who I am

  7. Lauren says:

    I think the worst thing I do is compare myself, which leads to negative self talk obviously. It’s so hard not to do it but it really is so detrimental to your self-esteem!
    The Fashionista’s Diary

  8. Lindsey says:

    For me the most important one is Stop Comparing and Start Connecting! It is something so hard to remember but so important to do.

  9. Annaliese says:

    Yes to getting (good) people in your corner- everyone needs positive friends who lift them up on hard days!

    xoxo A

  10. Oh I really needed this today. As if I’m not already hard enough on myself in my personal life being a blogger can make it even harder. Love the tip to Know Your Why. That always keeps me grounded. xx Merisa | Monogrammed Magnolias

  11. I totally agree with connecting. Supporting each other and starting conversations will always take you further than criticism and competing. Love the post, as always!

  12. Jordyn says:

    Though I consider myself a fairly confident person I definitely fall into the trap of negativity sometimes. I think it is so important to be able to talk ourselves out of a negative rut!

  13. I love this and I needed this today! I’m normally (overly) confident, but this week I’ve been down in the dumps. Thanks for the self-esteem boost and advice girl!

  14. Morgan says:

    Keeping people in your corner is a good one!! Friends are the best encouragers!

    How 2 Wear It []

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